the price we pay for perfection

perfectly imperfect

My entire life, I’ve strived for perfection. I have this obsession with needing to be perfect. Whether that is my appearance, my health, my intelligence, or a skill I possess – it all needs to be perfect. And if it is not, I give up. I think that if I am not good enough, then it is not worth it. Sounds super healthy and productive, right?

Everybody talks about the dangers of being a perfectionist, but I can’t say I’ve seen someone explain just how paralysing it is.

I’m 26, turning 27 in a month. I know I have been naturally gifted in many ways, and yet I don’t have anything to show for it – not really. I know that my obsession with perfection is the main reason I’ve given up on so many endeavours. 

Can I write a good song and sing a pretty tune? Sure. Can I draw a flower with little practice? Absolutely. Am I able to understand complex concepts with a few hours of study? Yep. Have I made an audience go completely still and even cry from my acting? I have indeed.

From the outside looking in, there is no reason why I shouldn’t be successful. Yet there is a reason, and that reason is myself. Perhaps that seems paradoxical, but it’s the truth. 

When you place these unrealistic expectations on yourself, the pressure feels so overwhelming that it becomes easier to give up. 

It’s as if you’ve dug yourself a deep hole, jumped in, and forgotten the ladder. You’re left sitting alone in the darkness you created. The light is so far above you and reaching it feels like a dream. You wonder if it was all just a silly dream after all. Your thoughts begin to attack you, as though sharp-tipped paper planes are being thrown at your head in every direction. 

Suddenly, the hole that you dug sinks further into the ground. You watch as the circle of light above you gets smaller and smaller until it looks like a yellow dot. All you can do is sit there, paralysed by your own creation. The task of climbing back up seems impossible, so you give up. And just like that, you find yourself back at the top of the hole again, ready to start the cycle all over.

Perfectionism is just a continuous cycle of cutting off the branch you’re sitting on.

It’s like you’re perpetually stuck at a start line made of quicksand. And man, does it get tiring.

I know I’m not alone in struggling with perfectionism, but I have wondered if it’s getting worse with social media. People are curating their lives online to look flawless. Whilst this ‘perfect online life’ is not rooted in reality, it’s hard to discern when you do not know the person. As a result, you compare your reality with others – your beauty, your wealth, your talents. 

It’s no longer just about managing your own unrealistic expectations. It’s also about managing the emotional spiral that emerges from seeing ‘perfection’ online. If these emotional responses are not managed, it deeply impacts your ability to take action.

All of this ultimately stems from a deep-seated fear of failure and criticism. 

It would make sense, then, that in order to overcome this need for perfection that one must get comfortable with imperfection. 

Even writing this blog post sparks fear inside my chest. Fear that it won’t reach people. Fear that it lacks structure or creativity or edge. Fear that people won’t receive it well. Honestly, I could go on and on, but I won’t bore you with my nagging thoughts.

I told myself I would write every day, and aim to write a blog post once a week on Substack, and yet after two or three posts, I have given up. Why? Well, I felt I had nothing interesting to share. If there’s nothing interesting for me to share, then people won’t like it. My other posts haven’t done as well as I expected.

Today, however, I choose to acknowledge those thoughts and say “thanks, but I’m doing it anyway”. 

When I read all of that now, all I can see is fear. The same fear that has stopped me from pursuing anything that gives my life meaning and purpose. The same fear that stops me from being successful. 

It’s actually rather ironic to be a perfectionist. You have such a clear vision of where you want to be, and when it falls short, you’re dissuaded from taking further action, so you give up. But by giving up, you will never reach the very thing you crave – success. 

Perfectionism is incredibly counterproductive. It keeps you stuck when all you want to do is move.

So, fellow reader, if you struggle with needing everything in your life to be perfect, I urge you to embrace imperfection. Post the imperfect painting. Send the email with a spelling error. Wear your hair in a messy bun.

It is the absence of perfection that makes something perfect.